


Woodpecker

by vallahwillbemyheaven



Series: Always-a-Girl!Michael Gangster AU [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Michael being called Mikie bc female Michael, Shootings, always a girl!Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 05:03:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4864169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vallahwillbemyheaven/pseuds/vallahwillbemyheaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikie nodded out of habit, even though the other couldn’t really see it. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be back in half an hour. I have to put a few scratches in your car.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woodpecker

**Author's Note:**

> Always a girl Michael is literally gr8 guys

“Mikie, where the fuck is my car?” Geoff asked her over the phone. His voice sounded groggy and it was very clear to Mikie that her lovely boyfriend had just woke up. She chuckled over the phone, kind of proud at managing to get the 50s Mustang that Geoff was so proud of out of the garage without any of the other guys stopping her.

“Taking me to Starbucks because, in case you forgot, Gavin crashed my car into a fucking pole. And then that pole fell directly onto my poor baby,” She said, trying to add a sad tone into a voice, but she was still just so proud.

“Since when was Gavin your baby? And why you gotta take my baby to go get your overpriced coffee. Everyone else has cars too ya know.”

“The baby I was talking about was my car, Geoff. And if I took anyone else’s car, I wouldn’t get flirted with.”

“You have five boyfriends to flirt with you.”

“But getting flirted with by complete strangers is so much fun. Do me a favor and see if anyone wants anything from Starbucks, huh? I’m pulling into the parking lot,” She said smugly, ending the little argument about whose car she took.

“I’m still mad at you for taking my car,” Geoff said, before covering the microphone and yelling out to see if anyone wanted coffee. “Jack wants his usual. And get me an espresso, babe?”

Mikie nodded out of habit, even though the other couldn’t really see it. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be back in half an hour. I have to put a few scratches in your car.”

“Mikie don’t you dare,” Geoff growled tiredly into the phone. Mikie chuckled for the second time in the span of five minutes.

“I was kidding. I know how much you love this thing, and I don’t want to pay the bill for the paint job, anyway,” she said, hanging up before the other could retort. True to her word, she was back to the apartment in a half hour with three cups of coffee and, as a surprise, a box of donuts.

“Good morning, motherfucks. I brought donuts. Geoff, Jack, coffee’s on the counter,” She greeted, having gotten up before everyone else just to take Geoff’s car. She tossed Geoff his keys when he walked into the kitchen in his loose pajama bottoms. “She’s fine, you can go check.”

Geoff stuck his tongue out before grabbing his coffee and a donut, looking more tired than usual. “So did you get flirted with like you wanted?” He asked, a chuckle in his voice as he pressed a tired kiss to her cheek.

“Unless we’re going to count the barista who decided to write my name M-I-K-E-Y, no. That place was barren. This is what I get for going to a Starbucks on a Saturday,” Mikie said, rolling her eyes aggravatedly, as if she had actually cared whether or not she got flirted with by some guys in a Starbuck at 9 in the morning.

Geoff snickered at that as Mikie walked past him to the living room where Ray and Gavin had decided to play Portal 2 on split screen and decidedly hadn’t gotten very far in the game because they kept forgetting which side was whose.

Mikie smiled as she sat down next to Ryan, who was slowly becoming more annoyed by the two idiots who couldn’t figure out split screen portal. Mikie honestly couldn’t blame them, seeming as Portal itself was already and pretty complex game and then suddenly you only had half a screen to play on.

“Gavin, you’re the one shooting the red portals. How can you not tell which one of you is which?” Ryan asked exasperatedly, sinking into the couch and Mikie struggled to keep from spitting up her coffee in a laugh. Jack decided no less than two seconds later to get up and go get his coffee. Apparently, whatever he had been doing on the computer was more important than the caffeine.

Ray shrugged to answer the question, and the pair then went back to ‘numbing minds’ as Ryan put it. Ryan eventually just got up and left the room, muttering about how Gavin’s spinning around was making him dizzy out of his mind. Mikie just stayed where she was, quietly sipping at her coffee and also slowly taking over the couch as she decided sitting normally just wasn’t doing it for her.

She was pretty much sprawled out on the couch until Geoff decided it would be hilarious to sit on her foot. She responded by bringing up the foot he hadn’t sat on and kicking him in the knee gently.

“You jerk. I was comfortable,” Mikie said, scrunching up her face and sticking out her tongue as she drank the last of her coffee.

“Yeah, well, you also took up the entire couch and I needed somewhere to sit,” Geoff scolded jokingly. He let her pull her foot out from under him after a minute, and then she turned around on the couch so that she was leaning on Geoff, who was much more comfortable than the arm of the couch.

“You know, we should probably go deal with those bastards who seem to think killing our income was a good idea,” Ryan said, sashaying into the room, trying to find Jack, who had wandered off somewhere silently after he got his coffee. Honestly, today Jack was being as quiet as possible for a human being who was still alive and it was maybe a bit creepy.

“Oh come on, it is a lazy Saturday, why should we have to go out and do things?” Ray whined, tilting back so that he was looking at Geoff, Mikie, and Ryan upside down, but the ‘Mad King’ quickly disappeared from sight.

“Ryan,” Gavin whined along with Ray, drawing out the ‘a’ in Ryan’s name, “why’d you bring it up with Geoff in the room? He would have completely forgotten about it if you hadn’t brought it up.”

“Because I’m getting bored sitting around all day. I just want to shoot someone in the face and those guys allow me the perfect opportunity to do just that!” Ryan called out from the back of the apartment. Knowing what Geoff was about to do, the boys shut down the console.

Their assumption turned out to be true. “Eh, hey, ‘sneak attack’, yeah?” Geoff asked, hopping up and causing Mikie, who had zoned out, to fall over onto the couch and hit her head on the armrest.

“A warning, Geoff, would have been great,” Mikie grumbled angrily, rubbing the back of her head. She gave a soft glare as he laughed at her.

“Well, I mean, if you didn’t zone out…” Geoff trailed off, going to get their weapons. Mikie scowled and got off the couch, deciding now would be a better time than later to toss her empty coffee cup in the trash. She went off to get her spare gun, because her main weapon had been in her damn car with Gavin had crashed it and there was no possible way to access the glove box with how badly damaged her car had been. Never let a Brit drive drunk, honestly, because they seem to be even more dangerous then.

She found the gun she had been looking for on top of the wardrobe they used for her clothes, because it was hard enough to find clothes for the guys, and Mikie trying to find clothes in that would make morning ten times more hellish. Smiling, she grabbed the box of ammo she put up there with the weapon and took it with her. Loading could wait until after they figured out exactly where they were going, which they were pretty sure involved this old house near the industrial area of the city.

Gavin was staying behind, because he had no real purpose on this job. Ray was coming, and wasn’t bringing his sniper rifle. But hey, a whole bunch of punks who for some reason thought that they could overtake one of the most deep-set gangs in Austin shouldn’t really have been a problem.

They really should have thought that ‘not be a problem’ thing out, because thirty minutes later they were all in some kind of trouble. The house had been bigger than expected and you know who would have been able to get them the damn floor plans? Gavin fucking Free. They had all ended up split up after an initial gun battle, all trying to keep everyone else from getting shot in the head.

So maybe Mikie had done the stupid thing and gotten herself cornered because the entire way over the guys had been babying her in the car, but that currently wasn’t the issue she should have been dealing with. She should have been dealing with the fact she had gotten locked in a damn room and was doing the ‘lion pounce circle’ with a guy pointing a gun at her head. That’s not to say she wasn’t point her gun at his head, but it was to say she was maybe slightly dumb in that moment.

Now, the trick to these little circling shoot-outs was to shoot first. Knowing that trying to hit the head during one of these situations was and extremely stupid thing to try, due to the smaller target space and also the moving, she decided to go straight for the heart. Jerking her arms to fire, she was shocked when the sound of a bullet firing followed by the pain of it hitting her in the stomach entered her senses. She didn’t let it register before she fired her gun three times into the guy’s chest and subsequently collapsed against the wall, wrapping her arm around her torso. It hurt like hellfire, but she was sure it hadn’t gone clean through by some form of miracle.

Raising the hand not currently getting soaked in blood because it was covering a bullet wound, she pressed down on the headset. “Guys, woodpecker…fucking woodpecker,” She all but yelled, wincing and trying to sit up straight when she found breathing to be a loathsome hobby in her squashed up position. “Stomach. It’s not bleeding heavily enough for me to bleed out soon but god damn it hurry,” she finished up, answering the unasked question that came with saying their code word for getting shot.

“Shit, Mikie where are you?” Jack all but begged over the radio. He seemed to be the one who wasn’t currently in a gun fight for his life, because no one else responded over the radio. Mikie still had her arm wrapped around her stomach area and it took her a minute to realize the bullet had gone through her side and realized that bleeding out was her only major concern, instead of being worried that the bullet had pierced an organ.

“In the room at the end of the hall…Hurts to move,” Mikie groaned, after trying to push herself off the wall. She knew getting shot hurt, of course, she’d been shot a fair amount of times, but it never lessened the pain. It did lessen the shock, which was good, because shock was the reason many non-fatal gunshot wounds killed people.

“Hold on Mikie, I’m coming, alright?” Jack said over the radio. Mikie smiled before wincing at the radiating pain in her side. Sometimes it felt like she should just constantly be on pain meds. She couldn’t even bring herself to apply pressure to the relatively minor gunshot wound; minor in the sense that Mikie had faced death once or twice from a bullet which severed and artery and having her almost bleed out on the floor.

Jack was actually there quickly, which had Mikie acknowledging the fact that there hadn’t actually been that many guns, they’d just all had automatics. They hadn’t been quite prepared for that, and it was lucky for Mikie she got looked in the room with the guy holding the pistol. Jack had to knock the door off its hinges to get in due to the fact that it had been locked.

He had his arms wrapped around her in seconds, gently removing her hand from where it was wrapped around quickly reddening fabric. He had to peel her shirt up, murmuring comforting words to her when she hissed in pain. She obliged him in getting the sticky fabric off her by lifting her arms and hissing in pain once more.

“Mikie, I need you to move one more time so I can put pressure on it until we can get out of here. I mean, we try to make it down the hallway where Geoff and Ray set up a barricade I can promise you we will get out heads blown off,” Jack said, trying to get her to smile while he maneuvered her into a laying down position.

Her hands clawed at the ground when Jack started applying pressure with her shirt. “Fuck, Jack, stop. It feels like you’re gonna make my kidney explode or something,” she panted in pain, trying to move her hands to shove him off. He was persistent, gently keeping her hands down with a sympathetic look.

“I can’t, you’ll bleed out or something. Try thinking about something else, alright? New Jersey, or something,” Jack said, trying to take her mind of the fact that he had to apply pressure to a bullet wound on what was basically a concrete floor.

Ryan’s voice came over the radio now. “Where the fuck are you, Jack? You with Mikie? I can hear the screaming from the third fucking floor!” He called out through the radios, sounding for the life of him helpless. Someone getting shot and Ryan not getting to play doctor was probably his worst fear. “Please for the love of God tell me I am hearing Mikie screaming.”

He meant it in the most affectionate way. If it was her screaming, she was alive. If it was Jack screaming, Ryan was probably going to use the last man standing as torture practice tonight. He just wanted to know if Mikey was alive, honestly.

“She’s the one screaming, yeah,” Jack yelled, having to over the way the pain made Mikie yell out again. You could hear audible relief on Ryan’s end.

“Ryan, hurry up and get down here. We’ll cover you, just go be the doctor went to medical school for,” Geoff said angrily. There was the sound of a gun battle over his radio, and honestly reverberating through the whole house.

Ryan didn’t have to respond, you could hear his feet against the stairs. They broke off behind their barricade, which was lucky as all hell because it meant Ryan could bolt for the room. True to his word, Ray and Geoff covered his back.

When he got there, he took over for Jack on applying pressure and Jack instead took to having Mikie’s head in his lap and trying to remind her of absolutely anything that would get her mind off of the absolutely numbing pain.

It didn’t take long for Ray and Geoff to clear out the last of the assholes, maybe spurred on by the absolute screeching that was happening in between muted whimpers. Mikie was a wreck, her hair was clinging to her face in places due to her tears and her face was red and her torso was bloody.

Not to mention one of her shirts were ruined.

After that it was mostly a rush to the hospital. The whole cleanup of the mess, the ‘It was an accident’ speech they gave to doctors who knew better, the dealing with a Brit who was just about losing his mind was kind of a blur for Mikie. The after-hospital cuddles in their extremely large bed, though, Mikie could get used to.


End file.
